The #1 Tip for Great Sex
By Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed.
No, it’s not some new wild and kinky position or technique, it’s
just some good old fashioned simple communication! Unfortunately, many
couples find it very difficult to communicate with one another about
their sexual needs or preferences and this can lead to a lot of dissatisfaction
and dysfunction in the relationship.
Lack of communication is a frequent culprit leading to infidelity as
well. Partners sometimes turn to other relationships to meet needs that
are not getting met in their current relationship, instead of realizing
that if only they concentrate on communicating these needs to their
current partner that they too could learn to satisfy them.
There would be no need or desire for either partner to be unfaithful
if each partner would simply be honest with each other, communicating
their needs, desires and preferences. Your wife (partner) can be the
lover you need if you teach her how to satisfy you, telling her what
you like and need. Your husband (partner) can be the lover you need
him to be if you do the same. If your needs are met in your relationship,
there is no need or desire for unfaithfulness.
Communication with your lover is probably “the” most important
factor for not only a satisfying sexual relationship but for a relationship
in general.
If you do not communicate with your lover you can’t be satisfied.
Many people falsely believe that their lover can read their mind or
that they should instinctively know how to please them. This is a very
destructive belief for not only the sex, but also the relationship as
a whole.
Each one of us is different with unique sexual needs and desires. If
you’re in a new relationship it takes time to learn what each other
like. Your new lover probably has different needs in regard to what
they like and how they need to be touched than your previous lover.
If it is a long-term relationship you need to continually explore and
discover one another’s bodies, needs and desires. Needs may change
over time. It’s necessary to let your lover know what you need
and it’s equally important to be interested in what your partner
needs.
For a relationship to be successful each partner is responsible to
communicate their needs to the other and to meeting the needs of the
other. If you have a partner who is not willing to learn and not interested
in satisfying you, then you would want to evaluate whether this is a
relationship you should be in. Getting your sexual needs met is just
as important as any other need in the relationship.
Speak openly, directly and honestly. Be specific and detailed. Tell
your partner where, when and how to touch you. Show them how much pressure,
how much speed and timing that you need. Let them know what words you
need to hear and when and how to say them. Discuss what scenarios, techniques
and positions work best for you. Share your
fantasies. Let them know when something isn’t working and let them
know when it is working.
There should also be a healthy balance of give and take in each partner
and sexual requests should be within reason. No one should have to engage
in any activity that is degrading, violent or disrespectful.
If this is a new behavior for you, it may and probably will feel uncomfortable
at first, but do it anyway! It will get easier with time. Sharing yourself
in this way will increase intimacy, enhance your sexual satisfaction
and decrease the risk of unfaithfulness.
Your relationship as a whole will be happier, more fulfilling and satisfying
in every way.
| Cynthia Perkins, M.Ed., is a sex advisor/educator
and author helping monogamous couples improve sexual satisfaction,
increase intimacy, be better lovers and keep the passion alive.
She is also author of the hot new sex guide for couples titled,
“Smoldering Embers-Hot Erotic Stories and Sex Tips to Light
a Couple’s Fire. Subscribe to her FREE Monthly Ezine, Smoldering
Embers, and get hot sex tips, techniques and secrets guaranteed
to keep your fire burning. http://www.smolderingembers.com/
or send any email to this address smolderingembers-subscribe@topica.com |
